Living Out Loud

Blogs, websites, viral videos. Computer technology (and reality T.V.) provide anyone who wants it with access to a public stage. But I’ve long wondered, and still wonder, even as I enter the fray, why so many of us feel the need to put ourselves out there the way we do.

Why do we choose to expose ourselves to the scrutiny of strangers? Why do we make ourselves vulnerable? Why do we invite the criticism and judgment, and sometimes even the ridicule, of people we don’t even know?

The obvious and most cynical explanation is that we all want to be seen and heard, that in our celebrity-obsessed culture, we all crave and, maybe even feel entitled to, an audience. We can’t resist the temptation to claim at least a small measure of fame, and perhaps even notoriety, for ourselves.

Certainly, a blog, in it’s purist form, is a platform for self-expression and a vehicle for creativity. That said, I have no illusions about the fact that it is ultimately an exercise in ego gratification.

But the truth is, I need this. I need the structure and a lens through which to view my life as it is right now. Because, after years of purpose and passion, I feel lost.

A lot of what I’m feeling is no doubt garden-variety midlife angst. Not all that different from teenage angst, I’m learning, except that the aspirations and sense of possibility that inspired and tormented me in my youth have given way to an ever-present undercurrent of sadness. For the first time in my life, I feel alone and frightened by what’s ahead.

So…I need this. I need to believe that in writing for an audience, invisible (and even non-existent) though you may be, that this endeavor will, somehow, fortify me. I need to believe that I can create something that is worthwhile and, in the process, transcend my sense of loss and fear that the best part of my life is behind me.

Tags: midlife, personal growth, pop culture, technology